What in the world is inspiring me to tackle this subject? As I reflect on the concept I realize it’s been a lifelong theme of mine. And many of the life experiences I’ve encountered when traveling along the path toward trust have been awkward and uncomfortable for me. I realize though that I am getting better and better at surrendering into it, so I am encouraged by my progress.
I recently received some clarity around the concept after riding in a 4-wheeler along a very bumpy road with my father. I may have mentioned my father a time or two in this blog. He is a stubborn man in the face of fear and has stated to me often that he refuses to be controlled by it. And so he has a tendency to live life on the edge of recklessness–or maybe a better way of looking at it is that he lives every moment quite fully and he thrills at excitement.
I have often thought that my severe caution and more timid nature is due to the fact that there was not even a smidgen of adventurous spirit left for me to inherit. He held onto every ounce he possessed and didn’t pass any along to either of his daughters. So as far as living life on the edge goes, we are polar opposites.
As we traveled up what felt to me to be a very steep and bumpy mountain road, it occurred to me that we could very possibly tip over. There were multiple scenarios I could imagine ending in catastrophe and I thought about my stepmother telling me a number of times that she doesn’t like to ride in the 4-wheeler with my father. It was now pretty clear to me where her caution came from.
And yet, despite the voices of concern and warning flitting in and out of my mind, I found that there was a space within me that felt peaceful.
I have contemplated where the peace came from and I have realized it has to do with trust. As we rode along the mountain side and over the rocky terrain, I settled into the trust a daughter has for her father. I realized that in my trust, he can lead me up and down uneven roads, we can almost tilt, but I trust that he will correct us and keep us moving. And even if we did fall, I trust that he will take charge and pick us up again.
As I move forward in life and travel along the many new paths that I have yet to encounter, I am determined to remember this feeling of trust and apply it to myself and all of my experiences.
I imagine that I might have opportunities to lead myself up and down uneven roads, and there may be times when I almost tilt, but I will trust myself to make any necessary corrections to keep moving. And in the event that I fall, I trust that I will take charge and pick myself up again.